Monday, November 7, 2011

Awesome!

Hey motherfuckers, is your girl Lori right about the whole "motherfucker" thing or not?

Texas Rangers' manager, Ron Washington is OBVIOUSLY a visitor to the Lair! Don't believe me?

Check it out for yourself!


Ron Washington's Game 7 Clubhouse Speech from JoeSportsFan.com on Vimeo.

"Motherfuck Carp!" AWESOME! He used it as a verb! I LOVE IT!

Hey Ron? Scarface called and said that your pregame speech was great!

Seriously, Ron, it's an honor to know that you're a regular visitor to the Lair!

Hope all your motherfuckers had a great Monday! Enjoy your fucking selves! Man, motherfuck everything!


Saturday, November 5, 2011

Saturday Night

At da "House".

Hubby's away, so I got my ass over here around two and stayed. Shells came over as well. College football, baby.

Hmmmmmmmm.....some new faces here, I see. Welcome to the Lair. There is no escape.

Unless, of course, you leave. I'm not too good at false imprisonment.

So we're all watching the LSU/Alabama game (the Empress of Mitziezonia wasn't too thrilled with the result). And sometime during the third quarter, Janey falls asleep on the couch.

Alex, being insanely mischievous, leaves the room and comes back with a mascara pencil. And an evil smile. She waltzes over to Janey, pencil in hand--and who knows what she was going to write on her forehead--and enters "Evil Alex" mode.

Then it happened.

Janey's took her hand from behind her back, opened her eyes, and pointed a water pistol at Alex. And not just any water pistol. It was Alex' water pistol. The same pistol Alex had been tormenting everybody with--especially Janey--the past couple of months.

"FREEZE!"
"Oh shit!"

And with that, a Cuban-American started chasing a Swedish-American up the stairs. We heard a lot of laughing, some "bitch!", some "up yours!", etc.... Finally, we heard, "Truce?" "Truce."

When they came down, Janey's forehead had a bunch of mascara marks and Alex' shirt and shorts were soaked. But it wasn't over.

Janey still had the gun. She looked at Alex and smiled. "Say bye-bye."

The blonde's eyes grew wide, the horrible realization that her beloved water pistol was about to be destroyed.

For this was no ordinary water pistol. No, this one had a big tank on top. We're talking at least two bucks here.

Janey's foot went up, prepared to demolish the blonde's pride and joy.

"No! I'll do anything!"
"You have to promise not to shoot us anymore."

The blonde paused. She could save "Matilda" (yes, she named it), but.....at what cost? But there was no choice. There was no out.

She lowered her head.

"I promise to not not shoot any of you anymore." Yeah, she tried the old double-negative. It didn't fool Janey. Perhaps if Janey were, oh two, maybe.

Shelly and I were captivated by this. Ryan, CG and Mitzie, oddly enough, weren't. Shelly grabbed my arm. I grabbed her arm back. We had to fight back tears as these formerly great friends were staring each other down over the fate of Matilda the water pistol.

The blonde then looked up, the evil smile had returned. "Can I shoot Nick?"

Janey thought about it. "Sure!"

And Matilda the water pistol was saved.....

And Janey handed Matilda back to her rightful owner. The friends hugged. Janey ran to the bathroom. And Evil Alex held the mascara pencil up and smiled.
It was a very evil smile.

Then her husband looked at her. "Alex, behave." "FINE! You never let me have ANY fun!"

Ten minutes later, the blonde and the Cuban were snuggled up on the couch together. I guess adversity CAN bring two friends closer together!